Here’s who’s going to win all 24 Oscar categories
After six months of campaigning and cajoling and trying to get “City of Stars” out of our heads, the Oscars are finally here. So it’s time for some final predictions for Sunday’s ceremony.
Somebody will mention Donald Trump. Somebody will cry. Somebody will cry while mentioning Donald Trump.
We good? No? OK. There will be exactly eight cuts to Meryl Streep reacting to someone either lavishing praise on her or criticizing Trump. There will be at least six worthy people left off this year’s in memoriam montage because, after this past year, how could there not? And that particular montage will end with a beautiful shot of Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds, filling us with an aching sadness that will make the rest of the evening — nay, the entirety of awards shows — feel pointless and absurd.
Wait … what …? You just wanted predictions for your Oscars pool? Geez. Why didn’t you say so?
“La La Land!” Repeat it nine times. Add the dynamic duo from “Fences” and sprinkle in a little “Moonlight.” And then cut to Meryl, clapping and crying.
So here we go, category by category. Let’s get started before the orchestra plays us off …
Winner: We’ve pretty much covered this, right? A movie doesn’t earn a record-tying 14 nominations and not win best picture. If you want to get hammered on Oscars night, choose the words “La La Land” for your drinking game.
Winner: Damien Chazelle, “La La Land.” Voters will want to reward the creative force behind the best picture winner.
This feels like one of those times when the critics’ favorite who steamrolled through the early part of the awards season gets usurped…